Well...

It's not important what I've thought in the past.  What's important was that whatever I did think and write down, I meant it at the time.  I look back from time to time and wonder just what the fuck I was thinking, and then I realize:  I was thinking.  Now, not so much.  From time to time I get drunk and look on facebook at people that I used to be acquainted with (slightly) and I imagine all that they've done.  I think about how they got married in some temple and wonder what that place is really like.  I have fun, nostalgic feelings.  I remember how I used to be, and realize that how I am now cannot facilitate that.  I watch sad video clips and read sad stories as an outlet to cry so that I'll come back down to square one and feel better.  I remember my friends that no longer really are.  It has been a while, friends.  Luckily we have these blog posts, social media, and previous online chats to remind us of what was if we ever get curious.  Now time is filled with trying to get ahead so that I can start to relax again later.  Let me lay myself against the grindstone and forget again about what used to be.

Love.