Interrogatory Indulgence

Everything seems so misty
so unclear and blurred to my eyes.
I wish I could've been there earlier
to see these things
to help a little as they transpired.
I instead sat in ignorance... in stupid
ignorance. I could never have known...
I want to... go back in time. I want to
kill myself and find myself at an earlier
date. I want to look into those eyes while
they suffer and try to take some of the pain.
I never want these tears to stop
they are so strong.
I never want you to fade
or grow dim. I never want
you to give up on yourself or on those
around you for help.

I want you to see light forever. I want
for you to never feel pain again.

I have so much regret... I'm so self centered
so emotional
so scared.

I wish you were here. I must absorb your memories
for I have none

God will guide you as he already has. He must
have, for you to be standing today. For you to
be alive and well through all this strife.
through all this pain that is no fault of yours.

I'm a tiny blip on a large time line. I will
certainly fade into obscure past if you let me.

I don't want to be left behind. I feel I've missed
far too much as it is.