Cancer:Thoughts

is the light in the window
the same light I'll see
when I die
and I find out whether
heaven exists or is just
a belief?

When my every aching cell
relaxes and takes a breathe
will I feel the cool air
drawn and the pain fade?
Will my stomach ever agree?
or will I turn into a pale
visage and fade away?

If I knew God I would ask
him if he would bless the
healing waves radiating
through my body, destroying
me as they take away death.

I saw a little girl with no hair.
I asked her how she felt
and despite her pain she smiled
while I cried.
I tried to imagine and came up
blank.
I felt a cloud of thought descend
and cover me like a noxious blanket
as she blurred in my cloudy eyes.